Male Chastity Lifestyle: How Does It Look Like?

What’s more fun than having sex? Um, NOT having sex…? For many guys out there, the chastity lifestyle is a huge turn-on. Maybe it’s time you tried it!

male chastity lifestyle cover

What Is Male Chastity?

What Is Male Chastity?

The male chastity lifestyle is when you hand over control of your sexuality to your partner. 

This control comes in the form of a chastity device, which fits over your cock when it’s flaccid, preventing an erection.

The chastity cage is then locked while the key is held by the dominant, and stored in a safe place.

This way, you won’t be having penetrative sex until your wife/girlfriend/mistress allows it.

Chastity Lifestyle is an amazing way to dive further into a submissive/dominant relationship and goes several steps further than a night with a FemDom.

This game is much more psychological and much sexier.

First Things First: Be Safe

To thrive in your male chastity lifestyle, you and your partner (or “keyholder”) must agree on the terms of the chastity. 

You need to make sure you both stay Safe, Sane, and Consensual throughout your experience. Here are a few things to check on your safety list upfront.

Agree on safe words

Agree on safe words

A common method of preventing overstepping boundaries is using a safe word:

Think of a safe word that you’ll both remember, to use if anybody feels out of their depth (typically the sub!).

Maybe they’re in too much physical discomfort from punishment, they’re having second thoughts about the whole thing, or anything in between.

The Sub should feel confident that when they communicate the safe word, all activity will come to a STOP. 

Fundamentally, you must have solid trust in each other! 

Use traffic lights system

Use traffic lights system

You could also try a ‘traffic light’ system.

If you need to slow something down (maybe a punishment or humiliation), say ‘orange’. If you want to stop completely, say ‘red’.

This is a simple but effective way of communicating in a Dom/Sub situation.

Draw a Contract

Draw a contract

To be super official, you can draw up a contract, signed by both you and your partner, outlining the rules and what you both expect (like the length of chastity, and punishments/rewards).

Whatever you choose, it’s highly important that you both understand and agree to the terms to ensure everybody is on the same page.

You can learn more about safe ways to use chastity devices in our Permanent Chastity 101 Guide.

Get a spare key

Get a spare key

It’s extremely important to have a spare key placed somewhere you both know.

Imagine: something goes wrong, the keyholder is not around and there isn’t a spare key. You need to avoid this.

Although uncommon, health issues (swelling, discoloration, or extreme discomfort) could arise, which would need sorting ASAP.

So, whether it’s in a drawer or in a shoe, ensure there’s a spare key to reach for!

Now, once we are clear on safety, let’s proceed to…

Rewards And Punishments: Where The Real Fun Starts…

Rewards And Punishments: Where The Real Fun Starts…

Keyholders, this is your time to shine. You can really let your creative juices (um, and other juices) flow when exploring rewards and punishments for your Sub.

If he’s been good:

Lots of Dominants/keyholders love that their Sub becomes more obedient when there’s an orgasm at stake!

If they’ve been good, make sure you reward them appropriately:

  • If he’s resisted your teasing efforts (lying on the couch in some sexy lingerie or perhaps talking dirty to him), you might let him have an uncaged teasing session.
  • Maybe he’s made you your favorite meal or cleaned the car. As a reward, you might bend over naked, letting him rub his caged cock against your ass for a while… And maybe even suck him for a few seconds.

Okay, that one’s more of a tease… Well, who said you were going to play nice?

  • Perhaps he’s given you three orgasms with his fingers, tongue, or a toy. You might consider planning an extra ‘O’ day for him! But, make him wait, of course.
  • But only if he’s been well behaved for a long time, will you allow him to masturbate until he cums, or even fuck you. This is called an ‘O’ day. (More on this below!)

If he’s been bad:

However, if he’s been disobeying orders or just being generally bratty, you’re free to impose punishments. Otherwise, he’ll never learn:

  • You might walk around in lingerie, give him a lap dance, or perform any other naughty act to give him a raging hard-on. Then, simply do nothing!
  • Or, he may get a spanking, a day in handcuffs, or some public humiliation (agree your limits before you start!).
  • If he’s pestering you for sex… You might decide to put a strap-on on him, with his cock still caged, and have him fuck you with that instead. He’ll be bursting with frustration, and you’ll be cumming.
  • If you’ve got a more open relationship, you might make him watch you get off with another guy, while he has to sit and watch.
  • When you’re teasing him, you can demand that he tells you when he’s about to cum… and then ruin his orgasm. Failure to inform you could result in delaying cumming even further or not letting him cum at all.
  • Don’t want to go hardcore on him? You can still create very uncomfortable punishments! Make him sleep on the floor, have a cold shower, or leash him to a fixed object. 

Ruined orgasms: what are they?

Gather around please. We’re here to tell you about the gritty, messy, and most frustrating part of being caged… ruined orgasms.

Ruined orgasms

That’s right. As the keyholder (and as a sexually empowered being) it’s in your power to get your guy absolutely rock hard in whichever way you please, and then right before he’s about to project his cum everywhere, you simply… stop.

Yeah. When a man is taken right to the edge and he’s about to cum, then whatever naughtiness you’re giving him stops altogether (i.e. no touching) he will have the most disappointing orgasm of his existence.

Of course, as keyholder, you’re free to inflict punishments as and when you like (again, within your pre-agreed terms)! So, if he misbehaves, you know what to do.

Oh…and while he’s teased, you can still have fun:

You can top it off by getting him to wear Crotch Rocket Strapon – he will be still with the cock cage, but can still please you 😉

Reward him with the big ‘O’ day

Reward him with the big ‘O’ day

‘O’ days (if you hadn’t guessed) are days he gets to cum freely. You can assign as many, or as little ‘O’ days as you like, and they can be revoked if he’s badly behaved!

Some couples like to have one ‘O’ day per month, and others prefer eight per year. And anything in between. It’s entirely up to you, keyholder.

After all of those ruined orgasms, massive tease sessions, extra chores, and humiliation he’s experienced since his chastity started… It’s finally all gonna be worth it. 

You have no idea how hard he’ll cum if he’s been denied it for an extended period of time! 

So, keyholders, if he’s been good and chaste, you should show him a hell of a good time on his ‘O’ days, however infrequent they might be 😉

Extra Tips to Bring Male Chastity Into Everyday Life

There are heaps of fun (and frustrating!) ways to integrate the chastity in your daily lives (not just playtime).

It’s down to you what he does and when he does it, and how it’s done. All because he’ll be holding on to the hope that he might get an orgasm out of it.

This is your opportunity to really get out of your comfort zone (that’s what life’s all about, right?), inflict ultimate humiliation, and generally be waited on hand and foot.

Here are a few ways to do it:

  • Order regular photos of your submissive with their cock caged. If they don’t send them quick enough (or at all) there’ll be a punishment waiting.
  • Demand he wears whatever you want him to wear around the house. That might be nothing at all.
  • Have him complete humiliating tasks during normal daily activities. Like, make him get on all fours and act as a footrest while you’re kicking back with a movie!
  • Order him to make dinner, do the laundry, make you cocktails, or any number of things. If he does it well, pick a worthy reward for him!

So, whether chastity is a short-term experiment, or a long term thing, as keyholder you certainly get some practical benefits, too!

Also, bringing a chastity lifestyle into the 24/7 could be a great way for the two of you to explore each other better, increase excitement in the relationship, and live out powerful fantasies together.

Add a game to spice up the chastity

Add a game to spice up the chastity

Just like in your normal sex life, things sometimes need ramping up a little! 

So, if the chastity lifestyle has started to feel a little ‘same old, same old’, here are a few games you can play to relight that fire (plus, your Sub can earn some rewards!):

Game #1: Hide the key to his cock cage somewhere around the house. If he can find it, let him have a day cage-free!

Game #2: Make folded paper slips mix them up in a container, with one slip having ‘O’ Day’ written on it, and the rest left blank. Tell him if he’s lucky, he could get a surprise. Make him choose!

Tip: If you’re feeling a little naughty, you could leave all the slips blank. Depending on how good he’s been…

These suggestions are the tip of the iceberg in terms of which games you can play! Check out our ultimate guide to chastity games for more ideas.


So, we’ve given you plenty of ideas on how to get started with your male chastity lifestyle.

But really, the possibilities are endless, and the boundaries are only as limited as your imagination is!

Dainis Graveris

Dainis Graveris

With over 2 year experience working in a local adult toy store Dainis has gathered quite a bit of experience about helping people find the best for their needs. He's also a top writer on Quora (7M views, 2.3K followers) and has written over 70+ guides on SexualAlpha. Read More

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